we talk about serenity
but I’m not sure what we mean
there have been times
I was serene
but it’s few and far between
I want it to be a permanent state
an emotion that stretches into
the future, forever
but that’s impossible
like asking to control the weather
so, as days go by
& I grow older
I hope I grow wiser, too
settle for serene moments
instead of reaching for something
that’s beyond my feeble grip
(Photo by Eric Muhr on Unsplash)
What is happiness?
It’s sitting in the comfy chair in the reading nook, next to you while you work away at your desk. It’s our pup laying behind your chair, chewing his favorite toy, completely at peace. It’s our baby girl, purring away sitting on the ottoman next to my feet.
Happiness isn’t money or the nicest things the world has to offer.
Happiness is your kind and loving heart, loving me forevermore.
I don’t mind wearing a mask, do you?
It’s a symbol of safety, respect for others
our brothers + sisters living in this crazy world
boys + girls just wanting peace
something to eat
shelter from the storm
born in this age of COVID + conflict –
we rest in our bubbles, away from the troubles
I smile at you behind my mask
you see my eyes bright, hopeful
you know I love you.
(Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash)
Look at our history, we’re a warlike species
we wish to beat + battle
but can we foster peace?
Piece by piece, we lunge toward an unknown future,
fighting animal instincts –
military tanks rumble toward me,
I step barefoot, bloody over broken glass
armed with a lotus flower
to combat their firepower.
(Photo by Paul on Unsplash)
I attended an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) for my mental health in early 2019. It was a few months after my dad had died, and I was in bad shape. IOP helped a great deal, and there was something one person said during group therapy I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.
I was a mess in college.
Two years before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I was enrolled at a university in New York with somewhat of a life trajectory, a moral compass, and many good qualities.
You think God has left you, that perhaps
you’ve outgrown Him –
we all want to be gods now, in control of the things
that spin around us.
My anxiety has been getting the best of me lately, but it’s improving. The other day, my grandfather and I spent a quiet hour at a little creek and wooded area in our neighborhood just to get out of the house. It helped.
We’re at the creek because this is a happy place
for us – the birdsong is soothing, the trickling water
reminds me these places exist in reality –
not just the online world we live in.
In the garden, I dig my hands into the cool,
dark soil and pull out weeds – it feels so good
to connect with our Mother. The sun is shining
and I can smell the rosebush near the shed,
reminding me not all is lost, that when
we’re all gone, there will be peace again.
(Photo by Ricardo Resende on Unsplash)