Each new year is a beginning
Though it feels we’ve already lost
Our hope is usually brimming
But lately we feel distraught
The world has changed for good
There’s no going back to before-times
If we could, we certainly would
This new era is chaos defined
For those with mental illness
It feels like the world has caught up
Now everyone has a sickness
The entire world is stuck
Depression is a liar
It tells me nasty things
These negative thoughts I acquire
And the despair it brings
But my friends always say
This too shall pass
Though it’s wretched today
I faintly see a half-full glass
When I feel disconnected
Not much seems to help
I’m not sure what I expected
Or when it will stop
Music is my healing balm
And so is my writing
They help me stay calm
With the negativity I’m fighting
I’m the type of person who puts my entire heart into everything I do
Love pours out from me like a tipped over water glass
Drenching everything on the map in front of me
Lines get blurred, everything mixes together
All aspects of my life live in harmony
Until the day that a sinkhole appears
The water rushes away from all areas of the map
And vanishes into this black abyss
Leaving only my tears to water to the desert my life
(Photo by Eric Muhr on Unsplash)
There was a time in my life
When my mind was filled with strife
I was frantic and very lost
And my addictions came with a cost
I like to believe I somehow found God
And his grace shone through and healed me
But spiritual consolation doesn’t last
And faith can be lost to a degree
The journey of faith is a long one
In my depressions I become an atheist
My mind can be frantic and fragile
Manic episodes hit the heaviest
“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” – Jane Howard
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I. Relativity
Have you noticed?
The homeless population is increasing
In the LA tent encampments
Surrounded by luxury cars
They plan to change the world
They are our only hope
At night, they bake beans over trash-can fires
Tell stories of their downfalls
And imaginary triumphs
Then they cuddle up in their tents
And scream into the void
They are met with silence
I. Alienation
I’ve lost track of time too many times
What am I doing here?
No one was there to answer
The streets were so empty
And there I was again, lost
Lost and not found – the story of our lives
Trying to find purpose amid the ruins
Of late-stage American capitalism
And cycles of market collapses
So, I kept wandering
The sky was charcoal but, despite that,
It was so hot the concrete sizzled
Is this what they predicted?
There’s nowhere left to turn
Everyone else has burned
And here I am, lost again
He said, “Reach out to touch me”
And I thought he was joking
Being pulled back into the maelstrom
Of cycles of abusive relationships
It’s like being lost at sea and
Seeing the North Star
Only to be pulled away, back
To the turbulent waters
We had blue thoughts back in those days
When it seemed, the skies were always gray
What were we thinking in those days?
Only to get away from that place
Youth is carefree, except when it’s not
When the troubles of blackened days
Cloud a mind that eventually strays
And wants to cut the cord of thought
My mind explodes in pain
It’s like a volcanic eruption
I know that I am not sane
And my life is an interruption
The prophets foretold my death
On a lonely street in a distant city
The madmen screamed ‘till I was deaf
Then the hospital committed me
