enhance capacities to love
take odious urges
vomit venom of resentment
from your stomach –
the toxic brew of bile –
embrace enemies
in muscular arms
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Serenity (a poem)
we talk about serenity
but I’m not sure what we mean
there have been times
I was serene
but it’s few and far between
I want it to be a permanent state
of being
an emotion that stretches into
the future, forever
but that’s impossible
like asking to control the weather
so, as days go by
& I grow older
I hope I grow wiser, too
settle for serene moments
instead of reaching for something
that’s beyond my feeble grip
(Photo by Eric Muhr on Unsplash)
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Coping with Uncertainty
We’re living in dangerous times. Some people (like my girlfriend) seem to be able to cope with it better than me. For me, though, a lot of the things going on in the world have me feeling very on edge.
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Suicide Prevention: Please, Don’t Give Up
I recently got some bad news that a friend of mine from recovery suddenly passed away. He was only 32 years old. As these dark pandemic days drag on, I felt I needed to write this post to process my emotions.
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Depression is Like (a poem)
Depression is like draining the color from all
perception, until you see complete darkness –
like becoming blind in an instant, and having
to rely on the other four senses to navigate
a harsh landscape. It appears without warning,
as if you’re traveling on a frozen lake and the
ice gives way – you sink into the water, you cry,
you flail your arms – but all you can do is stay
afloat until the sun appears again and
you’re rescued.
(Photo by Collin Hardy on Unsplash)
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On Anxiety and Choosing Faith over Fear
Rachel has told me many times before of her struggles with anxiety. When I listened to her, I used to not be able to understand it. I’ve always thought of myself as a fairly calm person, and I can remember many moments from over the past several years where I’ve felt very peaceful.
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A Feeling that No Longer Exists (a poem)
Grief is not a neat, five-stage process that can
be completed like a grade-school assignment.
It’s more like losing someone and then losing
yourself, as well – there’s shock, denial,
and depression – but also the feeling that
there’s a new void that’ll never be filled.
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Another Channel (a poem)
I want to feel connected to the planet –
wet, black soil after a hard rain or swaying
tree boughs that reach out, wish to embrace me.
I want it so much, and yet, I feel nothing –
only a dullness where the planet is another channel
on so many screens, divorced from the living ground
of my ancestors.
(Photo by Jisun Han on Unsplash)
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Holding on: Searching for hope during these dark times
I’m angry and I’m upset. The past few days I’ve sunk into a depression, mixed with bursts of anger. A lot of it has to do with self-isolation. Some of it has to do with bipolar symptoms. However, a lot of it has to do with what’s going on in America right now.
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On the benefits of having a mental illness (and the power of music)
Most of the time, I focus on the parts of my mental illness that are bad. The mood swings, the depressions, the vigilance I need to keep to guard against mania and hypomania. But it’s not all negative.
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