I weep for my country.
America was never perfect, and it never will be. But things keep getting worse, and so many of my fellow Americans seem to want to inflict suffering and sorrow on the vulnerable. What is behind this hatred? Is it simply a thirst for power and control? I can’t understand it, and I probably never will.
I vacillate between fear, dread, rage, and depression. Mostly, I feel helpless. Since 2016 when Trump was elected, it seems as though a snowball effect has been gathering steam, aiming to wipe away any chance at a multicultural democracy. I want to say love is enough, but perhaps I’m wrong. Too many people out there want to impose their will on us. It’s a dark time.
America is a country that was born out of slavery, genocide, and injustice. We’ve always had lofty ideals but never lived up to them. But at least we had those ideas, and we seemed to strive for them. Unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to be the case anymore. The Republican party no longer minces words and has no problem giving away their game plan of white supremacy and domination.
Heavy hearts
Amongst all this hatred, I wonder where God is. Toxic Christianity is at the center and the driving force behind all this terrible change. They want to install something like a fascist Christian theocracy. I used to think statements like this were outlandish and hysterical, but it’s time to call it like it is.
The idea of modernity, science, and progress scares them. I can’t understand why. Why is it wrong to love people based on who they are alone? Why is it wrong to strive for equality? Why do they see some people as second-class citizens?
I don’t know what’s coming next. But a large part of me feels like I have to do anything to stop this if only to not feel so helpless. Rachel and I went to a pro-choice rally on Saturday night, and the feeling of communal love cleansed my spirit. Did it take back what’s happening? Not necessarily. But it made me feel like I wasn’t alone and that there are still people who care.
I think about God in this a lot. I was taught in recovery to believe, “God’s will, not mine, be done.” So, is all of this God’s will? Was it his will that school children be gunned down in Texas? Is it his will that pregnancy is now criminalized?
I think it may almost be easier to be an atheist at this point. Yet, I cling to my faith like a life raft. I have a bad temper and am a pessimist, and my belief in a loving God softens my heart when it gets too hard. And, God knows, my heart has felt heavy and heavier these past several years.
Anger is like a flame
It is Monday morning, and the work week has started. It feels almost ridiculous to write about real estate for my job right now while all this is happening. I think that if the coup is ever completed, I’ll be working when it happens.
I talk to my Higher Power about these things, and sometimes I get answers. The answer is mostly to keep hatred out of my heart, as tempting as it sometimes is to feel that way. The other side wants us outraged, shocked, and helpless. But anger is like a flame; if it burns too hot, it will consume me.
So, I go back to work on Monday, and I quietly pray to myself. If there is a God, maybe she can console us during this. And if everything falls apart, we will have to live on somehow, some way, and find peace in whatever ways we can.
I believe in a God. I don’t identify as Christian, I identify as Spiritual and I pray to God, Jesus, Angels, Elemental Guides. My view of God is that he gives us free will. Like a parent, he raises us with love, to the best of his ability, but ultimately at the end of the day, it’s our choice whether we want to live with Gods love and guidance in our heart, or not. And some people choose not to, yet that doesn’t make them a bad person. For atrocities such as this however, the guns, everything, that I believe again is a case of people who either have free will and abuse it, people who fear the power of love because love is never control, and those That preach ‘toxic Christianity’ are those who either have grown up taught no different, or those that do know different but want to be in control. So they use religion as a form of control. For example, Marguerite Poirite was a French mystic who preached a lot about connecting with God and his love many centuries ago, and she was killed because of this – now surely, in my opinion at least, religion comes down to love. So to slander Marguerite Poirete for her words, her poetry, her love, that is to demonise love itself and that is not in the name of God but in the name of control.
No matter what, whether you believe in God or not, it doesn’t matter when you live with love and do the best you can as a person, strive for happiness and be happy and grateful. Honestly just be you. Believing in God or ‘keeping God in your heart’ isn’t a one size fits all for being a good person to this world, just be you. But I personally do believe in a loving Source, God, Angels, and when ‘bad’ things happen, I don’t believe that is the work of God, or it means God isn’t there, it’s a reminder, choose love, follow your heart and if you want to believe this, A reminder to remember Gods got you. A reminder to remember to pray. I also believe that on a, harder to hear level, as awful as things can get and be, ultimately they are for the greater good. That does not excuse any of the injustices of the world at all and again, I’m coming from a very privileged background where I haven’t had to suffer in ways others have, and like you I will do my best to help, make a difference, make real change, but I do think these things happen, almost as a reminder, wake up, do something. There is something out there greater than our bubble. It’s a trigger. I could go on about this all day.
Anyway, I imagine the love you felt at the pro choice rally – I bet that felt so empowering and when you feel things like that, isn’t that just the best??? I went to Pride recently and I felt a similar sense of communal spirit and love – so so beautiful.
I know a greater good will come from everything, I believe in Love. And this post is a great reminder for me, to choose love always. Thank you for sharing your thoughts ❤️❤️❤️ I keep America in mine. ❤️
I don’t have the energy to write much about this, Nick. But I am aghast at the potential consequences of this court ruling. It’s beyond awful.
I know, David, and I understand. But thanks for the comment. I’ve been pretty out of it the past few days. It’s scary over here right now b/c this is likely only the beginning. America is turning into a very cruel country to live in.